However, though he denies it, I’ve noticed he seems to get a little jealous or uncomfortable if I reference other sex partners. Through many conversations, my boyfriend and I decided long ago that our sex drives and desire for multiple partners differ-I am the one with the extracurricular desires-and that it’s OK by both of us for me to have sex with other people. If talking to a sex-positive counselor for a casual session or two sounds like too much for you right now, you could start with a book like our oft-recommend Come As You Are to help you think about sexual desire and how yours might work. Your husband is approaching this issue in a passive-aggressive way that’s not ideal, but I think it’s worth figuring this out for both of you. That’s not a worse-case scenario, it’s just a scenario. Maybe the answer is that you aren’t actually interested in sex itself-many people are not, and some of those people identify as asexual and have completely fulfilling lives. What about the crucial fun of sex? Where are you with that? Is sex fun for you? Is it worth having beyond what it can bring you later? Figuring that out is a good first step for you. But sex is more than a transaction, and how you feel about the actual act of it remains elusive.
You also never qualify sex beyond its effects-for you, it’s been a means to an end, to some degree.
